By Sarah Dugal
Last Friday, I popped into a lecture co-hosted by the New Canaan Library & YMCA entitled, “Being Seen: What Our Kids Need Most from Us Today,” with Professor Selena Bartlett, a renown neuroscientist & the author of Being Seen. The title immediately piqued my interest; as the Area Director for Young Life New Canaan, an ecumenical non-profit that creates approachable spaces for students to grow in their faith, so much of my focus revolves around fostering environments where adolescents feel seen, known and loved.
Over the course of the hour, Professor Bartlett walked us through the absolutely awe-inspiring science of neuroplasticity, the brain’s ability to change & adapt forever, and neural synchrony – also known as interbrain synchrony or brain-to-brain coupling – which demonstrates how our brains affect the brains around us, all in relation to prioritizing our brain health as adults so that we might support the brain health of children. She challenged adults in the room to first see themselves, through exploring and accepting their own experiences, so that they can regulate themselves and be attuned to – really see – the kids in their life. She reminded us all that being seen is the building block for a lifetime of wellness.
Though the topics Professor Bartlett researches, and the science she is advancing, is complex, I found her simplicity incredibly refreshing. Throughout her lecture, she often returned to the illustration of children as plants, in need of a bit of care, attention, and water. Her point, well made, was that brain health is ultimately most supported by loving, attentive homes & communities – not specific schools, certain extracurriculars, or a specific number of friends. Like plants, we all need to be looked at, given attention, and shown affection. “After 30 years of studying the brain, to come back to love is a really soft, “woowoo” thing to say…” Bartlett reflected, “Love is it.”
While the lecture didn’t dive into faith itself, the conversation brought to mind some of the most stunning resources for health found within the Christian faith.
As Professor Barlett described the immense impact of being seen by a parent, I was reminded of the comfort available in knowing we have the full attention of a Heavenly Father; as Hagar exclaims in Genesis 16:13, after being comforted by God in the face of being overlooked by others, “You are the God who sees me.” We can rest in the loving gaze of a God who is always attentive to us – even the very number of hairs on our head (Matthew 10:30).
As we discussed the importance of active love demonstrated through attuned presence, I was reminded of God’s many promises to be with us, at all times and in all circumstances. This promise echoes through scripture, as in Isaiah 43:2: “Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you…” It’s brought into full fruition in the life of Jesus, who is called Immanuel: God with us (Matthew 1:23). And this beautiful promise lives on in the Holy Spirit, as Jesus told us, “ I will ask the Father, and he will give you another advocate to help you and be with you forever,” (John 14:16).
Finally, as we settled on love as the bedrock for health and thriving, I thought of the unchanging wisdom of the greatest commandments: “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself,” (Matthew 22:37-39). What a beautiful design – to love, be loved, and love others.
The work of seeing ourselves so that we might see others is that of a lifetime of learning & relearning. There are no shortcuts to health. However, I am so grateful for the faith traditions that support us and our students on their journey, with reminders that we are seen, known & loved by God.
Sarah Dugal serves as the Area Director for Young Life in New Canaan. Young Life is a global, ecumenical non-profit that exists to reinforce that adolescents matter through relational youth ministry, create approachable spaces for students to explore faith, and model servant leadership in local communities. To learn more, visit NewCanaanYoungLife.Org.
