By John Engel
Dear Abby’s advice column is now 70 years old and still read by 110 million people in 1,400 newspapers. My column this week is inspired by the letters she might be getting lately.
DEAR JOHN E: My good friend is a Realtor, but I don’t want to use her to sell my house. Am I being a bad friend?
Dear BAD FRIEND: Your decision should focus on selecting the agent with the best expertise or local market knowledge to meet your needs. Be straightforward with your realtor friend: Tell her you’re seeking the most suitable professional for this sale, not doubting her capabilities. However, bypassing her without a valid reason could imply distrust in her skills, potentially making you a poor friend. If you opt for someone else, communicate your choice clearly and recognize her value as a local resource. Also, consider the impact on your friendship if expectations aren’t fulfilled.
DEAR JOHN E: My neighbor is letting his yard go to seed. The paint is peeling. Don’t we have an ordinance against that? It’s really a poor reflection on the neighborhood. I’ve called the police and the building dept., and they say there isn’t anything they can do. Help!
DEAR DISTRESSED NEIGHBOR: New Canaan enforces property maintenance under the Connecticut State Building Code but peeling paint and an overgrown yard aren’t violations unless they pose health or safety risks (e.g., lead or pests). Since police and building officials found no issue, start with a compassionate approach: Send a friendly note highlighting the concern — perhaps they don’t see it, can’t afford fixes, or don’t know where to begin. Offer solutions like local resources (e.g., town beautification grants or contractor referrals) to help them get started. If that doesn’t work, gently involve a neighborhood association for support, not pressure, to maintain community harmony.
DEAR JOHN E: My adult son wants to move back home to New Canaan after college, but with housing costs skyrocketing, we can’t afford a separate place for him. I’ve heard about converting our garage into an apartment, but my husband worries it will devalue our property. Is this a good idea?
DEAR WORRIED PARENT: Converting your garage into an accessory dwelling unit (ADU) for your son is a sensible idea and fully permitted under New Canaan’s regulations, which allow both attached and detached units up to 1,000 square feet with owner occupancy required in one unit. With starter home prices in New Canaan averaging around $1.5 million to $2 million, an ADU could cost less than half that — expect construction at under $500 per square foot for a total of $200,000 to $500,000, plus permit fees of $5,000 to $10,000, depending on specifics like utilities and zoning approvals. Your husband’s worry about devaluation is common but often misplaced; ADUs typically boost property values by 20-30 percent through added utility. Consult the Planning and Zoning office and a contractor for exact details and get an appraisal to put his mind at ease — it’s a practical step for your family’s needs in this pricey market.
DEAR JOHN E: With rates dipping, I am tempted to buy now. Is this the last chance before prices get away from me?
DEAR TEMPTED BUYER: Buying a house isn’t like picking a stock; trying to time the market based on dipping rates can lead to regret if life’s circumstances change. Instead, buy a home because you truly love it and your financial picture gives you confidence beyond just year-to-year rentals. Many get swept up in the fear of missing out on building equity like our parents and grandparents had, but homeownership isn’t for everyone; there are plenty of other paths to a solid nest egg, such as investing in stocks, retirement accounts, or even starting a side business. Consider this: The average U.S. homeowner now stays in their home about 11.9 years, roughly twice as long as in the 1980s when it hovered around 6-8 years. At the same time, job tenure has halved from about 8-10 years back then to around 4 years today, making careers more mobile than ever and houses a bigger commitment. Weigh your long-term plans carefully before jumping in.
Notes from the Monday Meeting:
With Columbus Day sidelining our usual Monday huddle, let’s pivot to something that’s been a steady drumbeat for five years: the Boroughs & Burbs podcast. Hosted by Roberto Cabrera and me, it airs live every Thursday at 3 p.m. ET. We have a national conversation on real estate that dives deep into market dynamics, policy quirks, and the human side of buying, selling, and living. If you’ve missed it amid the weekly grind, now’s the time to catch up: All 200+ episodes are archived at BoroughsAndBurbs.com, and the videos are on YouTube. Whether you’re prepping a move or just curious about where New Canaan fits in the bigger picture, these episodes unpack the trends shaping our world.
To whet your appetite, here are recent moments from the back catalog, zeroing in on local Fairfield County insights. Each runs 45-60 minutes, packed with unfiltered takes:
Retiring Quietly? Not Anymore. (#198)
Russell Barksdale and Senator Ryan Fazio talk about aging, healthcare pressure, migration out of Connecticut, and why a growing senior population is about to reshape policy and housing in Fairfield County.
Home Organizing & Auctions (#197)
Stephanie Radman of Mayflower Organizing and Grant Panarese of Auction Ninja get into the emotional and financial process of clearing a lifetime of belongings and why more local families are using auctions as a practical step before listing.
Real Estate Insurance & Risk in 2025 (#194)
With premiums rising and underwriting tightening, Meredith Bach’s team at Howard & Gay explain how insurance has moved from a formality to a deciding factor in whether high-value deals close at all.
Home Inspections in New York & Connecticut (#192)
Stephen Gladstone and Jacqueline Gathers reveal the real inspection issues appearing in our market right now, from moisture and drainage failures to structural surprises that can derail closings.
Outdoor Living & Entertaining Spaces (#188)
Amy Andrews talks about how outdoor kitchens, fire seating, lighting, and landscaped gathering areas are now designed with the same level of detail as indoor rooms, changing how Fairfield County families use their properties.
Unlocking the Mysteries of Westport, CT (#96)
First Selectman Jennifer Tooker and Dan Woog of The 06880 unpack how Westport’s shoreline identity, zoning battles, arts culture, and migration from New York have shaped the town’s reputation and what residents are trying to preserve.
Zoom with us every Thursday at 3 p.m. for fresh takes on dipping rates and inventory upticks, or binge the archive of shows at BoroughsAndBurbs.com. It’s the conversation New Canaan needs: raw, real, and right here. What’s your favorite episode topic? Hit reply.
John Engel is a broker on The Engel Team at Douglas Elliman, and he’s going to Las Vegas next week. Vegas is the opposite of New Canaan. We have God’s Acre, they have drive-thru weddings. We have the Playhouse, they have the Sphere. We put up tasteful Christmas lights on Elm Street and then we take them down because we celebrate the seasons, and change. John is looking forward to new seasons.
