By Stuart Adelberg
Punxsutawney Phil just pissed me off! Six more weeks? Really?? Forty-two more days of this crazy cold! Maybe you want to throw in another blizzard or two? The snow from the last storm is showing no signs of melting – but what the heck – what’s another foot of dirty, hard as a rock, white stuff among friends? What are you thinking, Phil? Philly. . . Phil-man. . . Philip. . . get with the program! We’ve had enough!!
Are you sure it was your shadow that you saw? Maybe you were under a tree or the sun was in your eyes. And speaking of your eyes, when was the last time you had your eyesight checked? You might need glasses. Find an eye doctor and I’ll pay for the exam. Don’t need groundhogs bumping into bushes. . . not to mention predicting endless winters!
Hey, Mr. P. . . I don’t know if you remember, but we have dog. . . a wild dog. . . I guess she’s still considered a puppy. Do you know what three-foot high snow berms, ice covered walkways, and frigid temperatures do to those of us who are outside multiple times of the day walking dogs? Booties, coats, even hats! One set for me and another for the puppy. And to the other dog walkers in the neighborhood that have the sixteen dog booties that Connie ripped off her paws and left in the snow after it took me fifteen minutes to get each of them on. . . I know who you are – I’ll be sending out bills in the spring!
Last week, after a foot of snow fell and we endured ten days of record breaking cold, I stopped in my tracks when the weather forecasters claimed, “There may be another storm heading our way.” What is this a joke? Are you playing with me Phil? I figured I better get prepared, so I went online, checked out the newspapers, and listened to local media. All week, the wise weather folks were outlining three scenarios. It was possible that we would see another major storm, with considerable snow. Oh boy. But it was also possible that the storm would miss us entirely. Finally, there was a reasonable chance that we may see a light dusting of snow. Really?? This is a forecast? I could have predicted these three scenarios by looking out the window, and I don’t even know how to spell precipitation!! Guess what? No storm. . . no snow. . . nada!! And several weather forecasters were on TV the next day preening about their ability to correctly predict. . . nothing!!
I’m hoping that Punxsutawney Phil went to the same weather school as those other forecasters. Maybe he really doesn’t know and is just making an uneducated guess? I think he claims to see his shadow because he wants to be left alone to enjoy his winter nap for a few extra weeks. I heard on the news that Phil’s prediction is suspect because he invested in a ski property. . . but that was on cable. . . so it might be fake news.
Last night I noticed that the sun went down a little later than the day before. Is that possible? Are the days really getting longer? Spring must really be on the way. Phil, I hate to be mean, but you need to freshen up your resume. And I hate to be the one to tell you. . . but that top hat does nothing for you!
Stuart Adelberg has a long history of leadership and active involvement in the region’s nonprofit arts and human services communities.
